Huzzah and well met! I ask thee to join me in a round of huzzah's for our first two winners!
The Lady Michelle, with her fine wordsmithing Monday is hereby declared the winner of Lady Meradeth's book.
And furthermore, I declare the Lady Yolanda to have performed the most excellent smithing of words yesterday and is the winner of Lord Stuart's book.
Hip, hip. Huzzah! Hip, hip. Huzzah! Hip, hip. Huzzah!
Ladies, to retrieve your prizes, please send me a missive at mewaibel(@)gmail(dot)com with your format preference.
For the rest of you, do not fret or envy your fellow wordsmithers. There are plenty more prizes to be had. As a reminder, points will be awarded for wordsmithing a comment in your best Olde English afore 8 of the clock in the Eastern time on the following scale:
5-Ye speak as one from the days of Queen Bess.
4-Ye could pass muster as a Ren Faire cast member
3-Ye could pass as a Ren Faire attendee
2-Ye wouldn't be foolin' yer mother
1-Ye stand out like the sun in a cloudless sky
An e-book will be given every day to the witness who scores the most points. Fear not, your daily score will be accumulated and the person with the highest score shall receive a special prize at the end of the week. So, brush off your Olde English and prepare to testify.
Ye best wordsmither of the day shall receive three e-books from the RAZIA series by author S. Usher Evans.
*Sheriff Mary unrolls the scroll* Here ye good people of Realmsdom. Before you stands Lady S. Usher Evans of the shire Pensacola, presently a ‘guest’ of note in ye olde Realmsdom Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Lady Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Lady Mary, the honorable Sheriff of Realms.
Lord Heelin has levied charges of false impersonation against Lady S, alleging the good lady has allowed one of her character to cavort about under an assumed identity, as seen scribed in her own words in this accounting:
Razia's eyes snapped open and she grasped at the wall to steady herself. She had fallen asleep for a split second, but was now wide awake. Poker, she reasoned, must be Loeb's chosen vice because he'd been here playing this game for over an hour. She wondered how many times he’d have to go to Temple to ask the Great Creator for forgiveness for this break in his pure piety.
She snorted at her own joke then burped a little beer.
Yawning, she rubbed her face roughly, hoping the increased blood flow would wake her up. She wished she hadn't had that second beer (or however many she had) at Eamon's, she wished she had some coffee, and she wished Loeb would just get a move on already. She had other pirates to capture, and he was being awfully selfish of her time.
She jutted her lip out and stared at the window, and her eyes began drooping again.
Another split second nap and she was wide awake again.
Her mini-computer began buzzing at her hip and she jumped ten feet. Scowling, she answered it without thinking.
"What." She blinked at the face looking back at her and for a brief moment saw Vel. But another shake of the head and she realized it was Heelin scowling back at her. “Oh, it's you."
"Yes, it's me." Heelin looked nothing short of livid. “The brother with whom you are supposed to be working with."
She grimaced. “Oh God in Leveman's, I don't have time for this."
“Well you'd better make time, because this stupid planet was approved for membership, so Dorst wants me to accompany you on your next excavation."
Excavation, what was that again? She rubbed her eyes, trying to make sense of the word. Slowly, her brain readjusted from a month of bounty hunting back to her life as Lyssa Peate.
Wait…Heelin wanted to go on an excavation with her?
“I don't think so," Razia laughed, her eyes drifting over to the bar again and spotting Loeb.
“I think that you have to since Dorst ordered you to."
“I think that Dorst can get sucked," Razia chuckled.
"What is with you lately? You look different.”
"I…what?" she said, looking down at the mini-computer.
"And where are you anyway? Are you in some kind of dark alley? Where are your glasses?”
Razia realized with a jolt of fear that she was, in fact, Razia and not Lyssa. Her hair down, no lab coat, no glasses.
She ended the call quickly and breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't expect Heelin to recognize Razia from just a simple phone call. Unlike Lizbeth, who was sharp as a tack and made the connection almost immediately, the Peates seemed more eager to ignore that Lyssa ever existed.
She swallowed the lump in her throat, hating herself and her drunkenness for bringing up that memory. He looked at her right in the face and didn’t recognize her—once in his office as Lyssa, then again in the Presidential Palace prison as Razia.
But then again, she remembered with an even more hollow thud, her own mother didn’t recognize her either.
She belched loudly in the alleyway as if to protest her stupid mother and her stupid decorum, but now the air in front of her face smelled like beer. In some part of her mind, she perhaps wondered if it was a good idea to be out here in her current state, but then again, she was simply stalking him. He wasn’t going to surprise her and walk out…
Her eyes nearly fell out of her head as Jarvis Loeb exited the bar all by himself.
She braced herself against the wall, waiting to see if his body men were going to join them. He got almost a block before she realized that he was alone. Whether this be some great twist of fate, or maybe some gift from the Great Creator, she didn't know. But this was an opportunity.
She nearly tripped over her own two feet as she barreled after him, the beer sloshing in her stomach uncomfortably.
"OI!" she called out, standing in the middle of the deserted street.
Loeb turned to watch her with an amused look on his face. "Hello there, dear. Are you here to capture me finally?”
"Sure am!" she announced, perhaps louder than she should have.
She walked up to Loeb, who seemed awfully sober to her, and she reared back her fist to strike him. But she was moving so slow—slower than ever—and Loeb easily ducked it. She lurched forward, her center of gravity completely off, watching the pavement fly up towards her face. Loeb's hand clamped down on her wrist and she felt cold steel encircle it.
Have ye any evidence to offer in your defense, Lady S?
For my evidence, I provide this excerpt from the first book, Double Life, at such time when my good character Lyssa was first discovered to be falsely identifying herself:
“Don’t move a muscle,” the one on the right said, holding his gun steady.
"So, about that," Razia laughed nervously. "You know, I am just so low in the bounty rankings…"
"Says here that you’re an associate of Tauron Ball," the lieutenant said. “That’s interesting because I thought we killed all his associates.”
Razia’s eyes flashed, but she wasn’t distracted from trying to figure out how in Leveman’s Vortex she was going to get out of this one.
The hall was a long and narrow, and they’d have to really be bad marksmen to miss her. Judging on how little they actually did, she was sure they spent a lot of time at the firing range.
"Now, put your hands on your head and drop your weapons!" the second officer said, with much less conviction than the lieutenant.
"Seriously," Razia said, backing up slightly. “I can get you someone better—Sage Teon!"
"No." The lieutenant smiled. "I think you’ll do just fine. It’s been a while since we’ve hanged a pirate.”
Her eyes widened slightly. "Really?! I’m like…six hundred.”
“Captain Peate says that if we’re to come across any pirate, no matter how small, we’re to bring him in and he’s to die for his crimes,” the young officer on the left said, his eyes narrowing at her.
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. That sounded like something Jukin would say.
"Well, then, why don’t you go find yourself a ‘him’ to bring in, and leave me be..." She smiled. “I mean, nobody actually even likes—"
“Put your hands on your head," the lieutenant said, his eyes narrowing.
Just then, the door opened and a lethargic-looking Vel came stumbling out of a room. His boils had shrunken to red marks all over, but his eyes were hooded with the after-effects of the medicine.
"Who is this?" One of the U-POL officers turned their gun towards Vel.
"That's nobody," Razia stammered. “I mean, I don't even know who he is."
"I'm Vel!" he slurred. “Vel Peate!"
"Peate?" They said, looking at each other. “Are you Jukin's brother?"
"Oh Jukin!" Vel said, eyes spinning. “Yes, Jukin Peate is my...why are you pointing a gun at my s—"
Razia, with nothing else to do, grabbed Vel before he goaded the stupid U-POL officer into shooting him—or worse.
"UNHAND HIM!" They barked, turning their guns back to her.
"Say what now?" she blinked, looking at them.
“I SAID, UNHAND HIM!"
She looked down at Vel, who was starting to sober up, and the U-POL Officers, who obviously had no idea what was really going on.
To them, a dangerous pirate had just taken ahold of the brother of Jukin Peate.
She smiled at her good fortune.
"Don't move another muscle, or the kid gets it," she growled, suddenly wrapping her arm around his neck.
Taking a poor innocent hostage and using a false name. Forsooth, I believe Lady S has condemned herself with her defense rather than proved her innocence. What say ye, my good lords and ladies of the realm?
To learn more about S.Usher Evans and her books,
visit her author page at:
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