Monday, November 10, 2014

Stockade Brigade~2014 Realms Faire~Day One

Welcome to the Stockade Brigade. All week, selected authors shall be put in the stockades and brought on trial for word witchery/wizardry. Witnesses shall score points by testifying for or against the author’s crimes. Points will be scored by wordsmithing with their best Olde English afore 8 o’clock in the Eastern time. An e-book from the author on trial will be given away every day to the witness who scores the most points. A pair of e-books by the Sheriff and a gift card to Amazon will be awarded at the end of the week. Warrants for their arrests have already been issued. The Sheriff of Realmsdom will catch up with them all soon.

Hear ye, hear ye, good citizens of Realmsdom. Welcome to Realms Faire 2014 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.

To learn more about the Realms Faire, please visit the Realms Faire headquarters HERE.

To cast your eyes on the amazing and stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE

Huzzah to our sponsors of this most entertaining event - thou canst locate them near the end of the scroll HERE.

Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules. 

Prithee remember the rules lest ye find thyself sent to the stockade:

1. The throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter, while amusing and entertaining, shall not be allowed during these trials.

2. Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens, while understandable in some circumstances, is strictly forbidden.

3. Ye witnesses for the accused shalt use ye best Olde English whilst crafting your comments. Said wordsmithing shall earn you high points with the wenches and blokes and with me, the Sheriff of Realmsdom and bestower of gifts.

4. Each prisoner shall offer a bribe, forgive me, I mean a token of their thanks to one eloquent wordsmithing witness per day.

5. As Sheriff of Realmsdom, I shall be offering a $25 Amazon gift card and one of my e-books (winner’s choice) as reward for the most eloquent wordsmithing witness of the week.

6. HENCE, ye must comment to win!

Let the trials begin!

*Sheriff Mary unrolls the scroll* Here ye good people of Realmsdom. Before you stands Lady Kat Hawthorne of the shire of Ho-Hum, currently a guest of ye olde Realmsdom Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Lady Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Lady Mary, the honorable Sheriff of Realms.

One of the guards has brought forth charges, levied by none other than the Emperor himself, alleging that Lady Kat has consorted with witches, as seen in her own scribed words:

          During my reading, the witch spoke some utter nonsense about the way desires affect the
          future. Of course, what she said was moronic and more than likely the result of an evening
          spent with a full pipe and lack of common sense, but for someone as active-witted as I, what
          she said made a strange sense. Her claim was that, if we truly believe in a thing with complete
          conviction, without the slightest trace of doubt, unwaveringly, faithfully, it is possible to bring 
          that belief into fact.

          She had no idea, of course, what she was saying, half soused and cackling like a lunatic as is
          her usual custom, or so I understand. But still, disguised as it was in simpleminded gibberish, it
          sparked in me the desire to know more. I found I could not ignore the concept, for my mind is
          a fertile vessel forever lusting after knowledge. Simply put, I could not rest until I knew the
          truth behind the claim.

          And now, after some lengthy consideration, my philosophy is as follows: if a firm decision is
          made within a person’s mind, that decision must indeed be real in some way. We can see
          ourselves doing the decided upon thing, we can see the outcome. So how, I ask, would we be
          able to see a thing if it did not exist? Perhaps it is not as obvious as an item we can pick up
          and hold, but once a decision is made, the event does exist somewhere, even if it is within
          another realm. I intend to find the connection between absolute decisions and their affect on
          our reality.

Have ye any evidence to offer in your defense Lady Kat?

Indeed, I admit that I'd suspected there would be a trial, feebleminded time-wasters such as you are. If you care to look again at my originating statement (advice I strongly suggest you take) you will see that I said, plain as the wart on your nose, that the old toothless hag was nothing but a mindless hobo too sloppy with drink to be capable of any sort of magic (indeed, any sort of coherent thought for that matter). A witch? Absurd! That label would be a real step up for the likes of her.

The experiment I spoke of has its foundation firmly rooted in science, I assure you. I simply mean to alter a man's organic and cognitive make-up and give him powers far exceeding that of a typical mortal being―perfectly legal and nothing at all like what you've charged me with. I assure you that that crackpot of a woman who calls herself a witch had nothing to do with inventing my experiments, though I can see why she'd want to claim ownership, clever as they are. However, I don't expect someone of your subaverage calibre to understand my ideas and I'm certain that, after you've finished drooling on yourself in confusion, you will find some way to twist the truth and find me guilty. Such is the common fate of the misunderstood genius.

I say, my good people of Realmsdom, this sounds like a case where the stocks are the least of punishment deserved. However, ‘tis not up to me to determine Lady Kat’s fate this day. So what say ye? Shall she suffer a day in the stocks or shall you cut her free to tend to her experiments that she believes us too daft to comprehend? Make your wishes known in the comments.

If’n you wish to learn more of Lady Kat’s experiments and her dealings with said witch, you should peruse the pages of THE ODDITY.


  1. Her words be elegant, indeed, yet I fear she is guilty. Huzzah!

    1. Huzzah and well met, Lady Mary!!

      I shall marketh a check under guilty and raise a cup of grog to ye!


  2. With that attitude - keep her in the stocks!

    1. Aye aye! I shall cast another vote for her guilt.

      Thank thee, Lady L. Diane.

  3. Huzzah, to both of the lovely lady Marys and Lady L. Diane. Perhaps t'is best to release Lady Kat from the stocks, this day, Sherriff Mary. Evil or misunderstood genius or no, I fear Lady Kat may turn her ire against the realm if angered further. Vote for leniency (out of ignorance and fear) :/

    1. Huzzah and well met, Lady HK. I shall cast thine vote for release. *crosses self* May the Lady Kat's ire not be turned upon us. Grog to all!

  4. Darn, I'll have to find something else to throw. No fair. And in the stocks she shall remain. Until I'm able to through my poo like a monkey.

    1. Huzzah, Sir Stephen. I thank thee for avoiding the throwing of poo. Mayhap the throwing of words would suffice? I shall cast your vote for confinement.

  5. Methinks her dabblings in science is worse than sorcery!

  6. Aye her guilt is writer all over her face, but for a price I shall plan the rescue and escape😉💜 Cassandra Webb

    1. I believe thou couldst plan a mighty rescue, Lady Cas.

  7. Congratulations and mighty huzzah's to the Lady HK, winner of a copy of THE ODDITY.


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