Hear ye, hear ye, good citizens of Realmsdom. Welcome to Realms Faire 2014 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.
To learn more about the Realms Faire, please visit the Realms Faire headquarters HERE.
.jpg)
To cast your eyes on the amazing and stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.
Huzzah to our sponsors of this most entertaining event - thou canst locate them near the end of the scroll HERE.
1. The throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter, while amusing and entertaining, shall not be allowed during these trials.
2. Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens, while understandable in some circumstances, is strictly forbidden.
3. Ye witnesses for the accused shalt use ye best Olde English whilst crafting your comments. Said wordsmithing shall earn you high points with the wenches and blokes and with me, the Sheriff of Realmsdom and bestower of gifts.
4. Each prisoner shall offer a bribe, forgive me, I mean a token of their thanks to one eloquent wordsmithing witness per day.
5. As Sheriff of Realmsdom, I shall be offering a $25 Amazon gift card and one of my e-books (winner’s choice) as reward for the most eloquent wordsmithing witness of the week.
6. HENCE, ye must comment to win!
*Sheriff Mary unrolls the scroll* Here ye good people of Realmsdom. Before you stands Lady Heather Brainerd and her brother, Lord David Fraser, both of the shire of New York, currently guests of ye olde Realmsdom Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Lady Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Lady Mary, the honorable Sheriff of Realms.
One of my own fine officers has come forth with accusations that Lady Brainerd and Lord Fraser have been encouraging the removal of memories from one’s mind. The proof be here in their own words:
“But you won’t hurt me?” Josh asked. “Or my brother and sister?”
“Of course not.” Aiden looked distressed at the thought. “I have to protect you. You’re
my pack now.”
Josh’s parents were all about doing the latest thing before it became too popular, but
hiring a werewolf nanny was a little extreme, even for them. “Do my parents know
about this?”
“Um, sort of.”
“What do you mean, ‘sort of?”
Aiden looked away, staring at the blank wall in front of him, like he was trying to put
just the right words together. “Well, everything was explained to them. Like how
werewolves make great protectors, and how we bond, making the family like our own
pack. Legally, everything needs to be explained to them, and they need to give their
permission to place a werewolf.”
“So they do know?”
“Not really. At least, not anymore. After we get their permission, we erase their
memory.”
Josh almost laughed at this, but a sudden thought caused it to die in his throat. “Do
you have to do the same thing to me?”
Aiden stared at Josh for a long moment. “I think I can trust you. I think I can forget to
put in a call for a memory modification. But, you know, just don’t tell anyone.”
Have ye any evidence to offer in your defense Lady Heather and Lord David?
Lord David: Hello ev'ryone. 'Tis a fine day at the Realms Faire and I'm v'ry fain to be hither. With Heather. Hither with Heather.
Lady Heather: Can you just talk normal?
Lord David: Nay, fair sist'r. 'Tis how one is suppos'd to talketh hither, Heather. Thou art suppos'd to, as well.
Lady Heather: Great. Now I know how—
Lord David: I think thou meanest, "Huzzah! Anon I knoweth how."
Lady Heather: I had to goeth and leave thou in charge of our defense, didn't I?
Lord David: Aye, and 'tis a good thing that thou did. I parlez-vous Shakespeare very goodly. Sh'rrif Mary, I presenteth as our primary witness Offic'r Bernie of the Imagineth Nation's Twenty-First Precinct. He wouldst, theoretically speaking, be in chargeth of erasing and/or modifying memories, if marry such a heinous act occurred, which, of course, it didn't.
*A short man, standing about waist high, with bumpy green skin comes forward and stands between the accused. He speaks in a high pitched, squeaky Brooklyn accent.*
Officer Bernie: Hey, guys. When did you two become a Lord and Lady?
Lord David: 'Tis the longest of stories, mine cater-cousin. It involves a banana, two singing goats, and Tommy Lee Jones. I will telleth thou the whole thing lat'r.
Lady Heather: Bernie, we're on trial here. Could you testify or something? I mean, testifyeth or somethingeth?
Officer Bernie: Oh, right. Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen of the Stockade Brigade, take a look at this little beauty.
*From a pocket, Bernie withdraws a golden amulet with a bright red ruby in the center. It glows as he speaks.*
Officer Bernie: There ain't no thing like memory removal or modification or junk like that. The peoples in question just did lots of falling down and bumping their heads. You know, the whole amnesia thing. These two jokers had nothing to do with nothing.
*He puts the amulet away.*
Lady Heather: Did it work?
Lord David: Worketh.
Lady Heather: Did it worketh?
Officer Bernie: Don't know. This blog's all enchanted and stuff now, but it'll wear off as people read it. The more people read it, the farther up (censored) Creek you two are.
Lady Heather: Bernie, you're from a Middle Grade book. You can't use language like that.
Officer Bernie: Sorry.
Good people of Realmsdom, what say ye of this defense? Shall it be the stockade for the pair of them, or will you take mercy on them and forgive them for…what for be we here? State your claim in the comments.
To encounter more of this memory erasing tale, I invite you to read the entire account of their crimes in SHADOWS OF NEW YORK. A chilling looking cover if e’er I saw one.
To learn more about the Realms Faire, please visit the Realms Faire headquarters HERE.
~ Joust ~ Drench-a-Wench/Soak-a-Bloke ~ Stockade Brigade ~ Dueling Bards ~ Riddle Me This ~ Phasers ~ Dragon Hunt ~ Wisdom of the Creative Realms ~
To cast your eyes on the amazing and stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.
Huzzah to our sponsors of this most entertaining event - thou canst locate them near the end of the scroll HERE.
Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules.
Prithee remember the rules lest ye find thyself sent to the stockade:
1. The throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter, while amusing and entertaining, shall not be allowed during these trials.
2. Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens, while understandable in some circumstances, is strictly forbidden.
3. Ye witnesses for the accused shalt use ye best Olde English whilst crafting your comments. Said wordsmithing shall earn you high points with the wenches and blokes and with me, the Sheriff of Realmsdom and bestower of gifts.
4. Each prisoner shall offer a bribe, forgive me, I mean a token of their thanks to one eloquent wordsmithing witness per day.
5. As Sheriff of Realmsdom, I shall be offering a $25 Amazon gift card and one of my e-books (winner’s choice) as reward for the most eloquent wordsmithing witness of the week.
6. HENCE, ye must comment to win!
Let the trials begin!
*Sheriff Mary unrolls the scroll* Here ye good people of Realmsdom. Before you stands Lady Heather Brainerd and her brother, Lord David Fraser, both of the shire of New York, currently guests of ye olde Realmsdom Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Lady Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Lady Mary, the honorable Sheriff of Realms.
One of my own fine officers has come forth with accusations that Lady Brainerd and Lord Fraser have been encouraging the removal of memories from one’s mind. The proof be here in their own words:
“But you won’t hurt me?” Josh asked. “Or my brother and sister?”
“Of course not.” Aiden looked distressed at the thought. “I have to protect you. You’re
my pack now.”
Josh’s parents were all about doing the latest thing before it became too popular, but
hiring a werewolf nanny was a little extreme, even for them. “Do my parents know
about this?”
“Um, sort of.”
“What do you mean, ‘sort of?”
Aiden looked away, staring at the blank wall in front of him, like he was trying to put
just the right words together. “Well, everything was explained to them. Like how
werewolves make great protectors, and how we bond, making the family like our own
pack. Legally, everything needs to be explained to them, and they need to give their
permission to place a werewolf.”
“So they do know?”
“Not really. At least, not anymore. After we get their permission, we erase their
memory.”
Josh almost laughed at this, but a sudden thought caused it to die in his throat. “Do
you have to do the same thing to me?”
Aiden stared at Josh for a long moment. “I think I can trust you. I think I can forget to
put in a call for a memory modification. But, you know, just don’t tell anyone.”
Have ye any evidence to offer in your defense Lady Heather and Lord David?
Lord David: Hello ev'ryone. 'Tis a fine day at the Realms Faire and I'm v'ry fain to be hither. With Heather. Hither with Heather.
Lady Heather: Can you just talk normal?
Lord David: Nay, fair sist'r. 'Tis how one is suppos'd to talketh hither, Heather. Thou art suppos'd to, as well.
Lady Heather: Great. Now I know how—
Lord David: I think thou meanest, "Huzzah! Anon I knoweth how."
Lady Heather: I had to goeth and leave thou in charge of our defense, didn't I?
Lord David: Aye, and 'tis a good thing that thou did. I parlez-vous Shakespeare very goodly. Sh'rrif Mary, I presenteth as our primary witness Offic'r Bernie of the Imagineth Nation's Twenty-First Precinct. He wouldst, theoretically speaking, be in chargeth of erasing and/or modifying memories, if marry such a heinous act occurred, which, of course, it didn't.
*A short man, standing about waist high, with bumpy green skin comes forward and stands between the accused. He speaks in a high pitched, squeaky Brooklyn accent.*
Officer Bernie: Hey, guys. When did you two become a Lord and Lady?
Lord David: 'Tis the longest of stories, mine cater-cousin. It involves a banana, two singing goats, and Tommy Lee Jones. I will telleth thou the whole thing lat'r.
Lady Heather: Bernie, we're on trial here. Could you testify or something? I mean, testifyeth or somethingeth?
Officer Bernie: Oh, right. Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen of the Stockade Brigade, take a look at this little beauty.
*From a pocket, Bernie withdraws a golden amulet with a bright red ruby in the center. It glows as he speaks.*
Officer Bernie: There ain't no thing like memory removal or modification or junk like that. The peoples in question just did lots of falling down and bumping their heads. You know, the whole amnesia thing. These two jokers had nothing to do with nothing.
*He puts the amulet away.*
Lady Heather: Did it work?
Lord David: Worketh.
Lady Heather: Did it worketh?
Officer Bernie: Don't know. This blog's all enchanted and stuff now, but it'll wear off as people read it. The more people read it, the farther up (censored) Creek you two are.
Lady Heather: Bernie, you're from a Middle Grade book. You can't use language like that.
Officer Bernie: Sorry.
Good people of Realmsdom, what say ye of this defense? Shall it be the stockade for the pair of them, or will you take mercy on them and forgive them for…what for be we here? State your claim in the comments.
To encounter more of this memory erasing tale, I invite you to read the entire account of their crimes in SHADOWS OF NEW YORK. A chilling looking cover if e’er I saw one.
A worthy defense put on by Heather and David. However, the hiding of events from parents and the werewolf nanny be speaketh doom.
ReplyDeleteAye, doom we all say! Many thanks to thee, my Lady Mary!
DeleteHmmm... Methinks thou didst hideth thine eyes from yon amulet.
DeleteAmulet you say? I must have missed that while I was securing the prisoners.
DeleteG'day to ya, Lady Brainerd and Lord Fraser...
ReplyDeleteOhhh, look upon the pretty red glowing amulet, Sheriff Mary. Ohhh... lovely tha'.
Hey, er...wha'? What day be this, eh? Crikey, my back be sore! Be there no other trial this day? Must I spend yet another day in the stocks? Have you not some other poor soul to torture under false pretenses, Sheriff Mary?
G'day, Lady HK. Thou hast served thine penalty well and are hereby released into the care of your lord Marschand. May he take excellent care of you.
DeleteAh, Lady HK, tis a surprise to meet you hither. It is not as if David and I stand accused of any wrongdoing...
DeleteThat amulet draweth my vision toward it. Pray tell what we speakest about?
ReplyDeleteCrimes, my lady Cherie. We speak of crimes today. The crime of...what was it again?
DeleteTwas nary a crime committed, Lady Mary.
DeleteHuzzahs and congratulations to the Lady HK, winner of a copy of SHADOWS OF NEW YORK. The gods seem mighty favorable of you, Lady HK, despite you keeping company with the devil. Mayhap that rogue Gard is a good luck charm rather than the bringing of bad luck you led us to believe!
ReplyDelete